Stay in school, kids. TOP 10 THINGS THAT ARE SMARTER THAN I AM: 10. *Some* resealable bags 9. The Invisible UPS delivery guy 8. My new car stereo 7. Depending on the time, my Houdini wine bottle opener 6. The “Premium Toppers” section at Sweet Tomatoes 5. Genghis Grill’s new “pay at the table” system 4. Genghis Grill’s new “write your name on … Continue reading Outwitted: A Cautionary Tale
A conversation between my husband and I the other night: Him: Did you just take a shower? Didn’t you take a shower 2 hours ago? Me: Yes. But it’s easier than washing my face in the sink. A conversation regarding watching television: Daisy: Have you watched Community or some other network show I can’t remember the name of right now? Me: Nah. I don’t … Continue reading Let Me Entertain You
It’s 7:05 am. My husband has just told me that for some inexplicable reason, our garage door is open. Not wide open, but like, person-crawling-in-size open, 3 feet off the ground. I bolt out of my Hunger Games-reading stupor and say quietly, “what the fuck,” because this is exactly the way I need to be woken up on a Monday. Unfortunately, said husband is … Continue reading Happy Anniversary, Nameless Faceless Killer!
It is 6:05am on a Friday. Good Friday. I am destined to make this not just Good Friday, but Great Friday, because my hands are covered in cheesecake and I’m muttering unintelligible shit under my breath. “There’s got to be a better…why won’t the…motherfucker.” As you may have guessed, I enjoy a challenge. So no one was surprised when I made a fig cheesecake with … Continue reading I’ve Got Quite a Bit to Say About Red Velvet Cheesecake Pops
Pocketful of Venom 