Yeah, I know, November. Let’s all tell everyone what we’re grateful for this month! I’m totally doing that, I promise. But the world deserves balance, and I’m here to provide that shit. YOU’RE WELCOME.
10. Laundry. Come on, man. I have way better stuff to do. This takes up what seems to be half my life. I want Middle Ages. Cleaning clothes once a year. Sounds awesome. Smells not awesome. Fine. You win, stupid chore.
9. You’re, your, they’re, their, and every grammar mistake grown-ass people should have learned how to correct by now. Especially those who make 6-figure salaries. Hire a fucking editor to spellcheck your goddamn emails and newsletters. AREN’T YOU
EMBARASSED IMBARRASED – oh fuck it.
8. Not being Awesome at All The Things. I realize this is impractical and sets an impossible standard. But I do hate it. On the list it goes.
7. Being out of coffee. Although this probably ties with #1.
6. Clock Spider.
5. Lima Beans. They are gross.
4. The dentist. Look, she’s very nice, and my teeth are worth thousands of dollars. But if I don’t get the gas every time, just be prepared, lady, for the white-knuckle situation that’s about to ensue.
3. Nickleback. Not just today. Every day.
2. Entitled assholes who feel like the universe owes them cupcakes and SO MUCH MORE.
1. Sensor paper towel dispensers. I hate these. With my entire heart. So much.
Alright! Now back to superhappytime. I love EVERYONE! Have a great weekend!!!