I Don’t Know Where to Start
My mom has been gone from this world for almost two months now. I have this nagging sense that I have to write down all her stories – everything she ever told me, everything she taught me. Because I can’t bear for whatever legacy she has to be lost. To write it all will be cathartic, heartbreaking, and nostalgic. It will be painful. I don’t … Continue reading I Don’t Know Where to Start
3.9.21
Seasonal Affective Disorder
Nothingness, Then All at Once
My mother died a week ago today. I wrote this on the plane coming back home after being with her for her last 10 days in this life. I don’t know why this time the patterns at 36,000 feet below me are so comforting. It’s like I’ve never even noticed them before. The trees that partition off crops like rivers, the strange dirt tributaries that … Continue reading Nothingness, Then All at Once
The 460th Day of March 2020
When the pandemic started, I stopped brushing my teeth in the morning. I don’t know why. Well, I do, though. I rationalized it a little like this: I am working from home. No one sees me. I won’t eat breakfast until 10. I need lots of coffee in the mornings, so I don’t want to ruin my coffee with toothpaste. And so on. I would … Continue reading The 460th Day of March 2020
Precious Things
When I bake, I think of my mother. My mother is not necessarily a baker, but her love and persistence with cooking in general instilled in me at a very young age a deep need to create and connect with people through food. I also think of my father’s mother Emma, who was indeed a prolific baker, but whom I did not get to see … Continue reading Precious Things
hands which whisper/ this is my beloved my
As we near Samhain, I wanted to share something I wrote a while back. While I like watching scary movies and checking out really amazing Halloween decor (who knew San Diego was so into Halloween!), it’s not really a time of year for me where I am super festive. I find myself drawing inward, and really focusing on past relationships – especially with those who … Continue reading hands which whisper/ this is my beloved my
Cliché to Say, But Life Finds a Way
So I have this really unattractive tree in the backyard right by the back door. It’s very fast to grow, has kind of an unpleasant look in general, and the biggest drawback has been the fact that one bajillion spiders decide to make their little homes in it. I had been pruning and de-spidering for the last year, and then a great idea hit me … Continue reading Cliché to Say, But Life Finds a Way
Here Are Some Things I Have Not Done During the Pandemic.
“Be creative.” I would argue that my creativity for handling a crushing mountain of fucked-upness is the extent to which my brain can go. I have not written much, I have not started large projects, I have not built anything, I… I got plants. That’s as creative as it’s getting around here. “Listen to music!” Weirdly, you would think this would be a solace. It … Continue reading Here Are Some Things I Have Not Done During the Pandemic.
Got to Be the Way It Is
Our friend Brandon died this week of a brain tumor. Brandon was the shit. He was funny, smart, active – a trusted friend, a caring husband, a great dad, a thoughtful person, just the guy you knew would always be in your corner. Even if he was across the country, he would be the first person to encourage, throw out a joke, just A. Great. … Continue reading Got to Be the Way It Is
Pocketful of Venom 
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