I am sitting here in flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved thermal shirt while I bake a loaf of bread. BECAUSE IT’S THE GREATEST SEASON OF ALL. It was 92 degrees today, but who’s counting. Call me a basic bitch or whatever you want, but I stand proudly by my love of All Things Pumpkin and the crackle of fires and really any reason to … Continue reading FULL-ON FALL, That’s What’s Happening
Ten awesome things that happened today: 1) Drank a lot of coffee. 2) Got this at a garage sale and have already remembered how to play “Faithfully” and am working on “Royals” and will master the entire Tori Amos catalog by September. MELODIES ONLY CHORDS ONE SWEET DAY 3) Baked a tasty-ass apple pie for a friend’s unbirthday (32 does NOT get a birthday.) … Continue reading Saturday it’s a Saturday!!
I don’t care what anyone says. I was done with trying to lose weight because it seemed like the harder I kept trying, the worse it got and the more I totally did NOT lose weight. AND THEN, a friend had me read this book: So far, it is working like a champ in that I have stopped the following actions: 1) Obsessing every … Continue reading Eating Like a Toddler, or How Not to Diet
Here’s a scene from last night. This happened. Husband: “What are you doing?” Me, while jogging around the dining room table: “I’m a little freaked out by myself right now. I think this is like running.” Him: “Yes, what you are doing right there is jogging.” Me: “Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck it is but I think I kind of like it … Continue reading The Alien Transformation is Almost Complete
As I hung up laundry on Friday night (because my life is fucking exciting), I realized that I was hanging up 9 black V-neck t-shirts. NINE. That seemed excessive. This blog could probably just end here. Because as soon as “this seems excessive” entered my head, I should have immediately realized I HAVE UNDERGONE A FUNDAMENTAL CHANGE. Or something. Either way, … Continue reading Misadventures in Unexpected Happiness, vol. 2: Who Am I
So last night, a really disturbing scenario unfolded as I tried to enjoy delicious Indian food at a fine local establishment. While already seated with my friend, a couple walked into the restaurant with a small dog. The small dog had a large tag on, and it had the appearance of a luggage tag. I’ve seen these before and recognized it as possibly a service … Continue reading Sanity Check: Are We Just Doing Whatever Now?
10. Eat Lima beans 9. Go see the George W. Bush art exhibit 8. Rake leaves 7. Drink Mountain Dew 6. Babysit 5. go to the Texas “coast” 4. Laser every hair on my body 3. Give up my ability to eat chips (oh wait, that’s happening) 2. Go to work 1. Listen to Primus ALL DAY. Continue reading 10 Things I’d Rather Do on a Day Off Than Have Dental Work Done
So as I was driving home this evening after finally figuring out how the Spotify and the Bluetooth and my car stereo and my Galaxy s4 can all work harmoniously together once more, I didn’t recognize one of my 3900 starred songs that started playing. I said aloud to myself, is it Siouxsie? The Cure? Bauhaus? It took me an eternal 45 seconds to remember … Continue reading Misadventures in Unexpected Happiness, vol. 1
This will be brief. But first, enjoy your many flowers and chocolates on this most holy of fake days. I’M HIGH ON LIFE AND DON’T NEED GIFTS. Now that we’ve established my superiority in the face of a table full of ridiculous confections, let’s talk about why you people feel the need to be on the same side of my desk as I am. I’d … Continue reading Happy Bullshit Holiday: Let’s Discuss Personal Space
Holy shit. Did you really just ask me the same question twice, even with me answering it already? Did you? It’s not like it’s been a day and you forgot this info. That I would forgive. But when I tell you one thing and then you ask me the SAME THING LITERALLY 30 SECONDS LATER, I am fucking done. OH WAIT NOW YOU’VE ASKED FOR … Continue reading Please Be Perceptive Regarding My Utter Disdain For You