Monday: Decidedly Worse than Sunday

This was originally titled Monday:  Please Choke on a Dick, but I figured that would only yield terrible (or AMAZING) search results for all of you. My husband, when I’m sad or sullen, calls me Sunday Shawn.  This derives from anticipating Monday.  It starts usually about 3pm on Sunday.  It is not necessarily always the case – yesterday was a good Sunday.  So, Monday, I … Continue reading Monday: Decidedly Worse than Sunday

Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from Candy Crush

10.  Try to always look 10 steps ahead.  Applicable for walking as well. 9.  Stripes are exciting, not fattening. 8.  Sprinkle cookies are even MORE exciting. 7.  Stripes + sprinkle cookie = total awesome meltdown. 6.  Stop looking at unnecessary shit. 5.  When you run out of life, cheat time. 4.  Bombs are only good when they explode in the right place. 3.  Chocolate should … Continue reading Top Ten Life Lessons Learned from Candy Crush

Easter ProTip: Drink to Salvation!

Originally written for the fine ladies over at Hex Chromosome. Check out their amazing shorts. Your ass will thank you. Hey everyone, if you are easily offended by irreverent columns about sacred holy days, then you should probably stop reading now. I mean it. Stop. Reading. Now that we’ve gotten rid of all the goody-two-shoes’seses (pfffttttt whatever), we can now get down to brass tacks: … Continue reading Easter ProTip: Drink to Salvation!

Top 10 Things I Hate (Today)

Yeah, I know, November.  Let’s all tell everyone what we’re grateful for this month!  I’m totally doing that, I promise.  But the world deserves balance, and I’m here to provide that shit.  YOU’RE WELCOME. 10.  Laundry.  Come on, man.  I have way better stuff to do.  This takes up what seems to be half my life.  I want Middle Ages.  Cleaning clothes once a year. … Continue reading Top 10 Things I Hate (Today)

24 Hours of Awesome

Phrases that I have either said myself (mostly to only myself) or have heard in the last 24 hours: 1.   “Frozen Arbor Mist is like a lightly alcoholic Slurpee.” 2.  “Try not to impale yourself on your jeans.” 3.  “You do not have the time to be worrying about golden elephants.” 4.  ” I was too distracted by terrible yet amazing 90’s dance music to comment … Continue reading 24 Hours of Awesome