WHICH, MIGHT I ADD, IS AWESOME. Let’s get something straight right the fuck now – I am not discussing Van HAGAR. Not the same. At all. I mean, who doesn’t sing along really loud and with a tear in their eye that that’s what dreams are made of? I know I do. At least alone in my car, I MIGHT. BUT NO. We are talking … Continue reading My Life Wants to be a Van Halen Song
10. I don’t have any concept of what I look like in public any longer. 9. You can totally fix a broken flip-flop with gum or paper and it will last at least up the driveway to the house. 8. There is very weird, very brightly colored adult programming on at 5am on HBO. 7. I can actually go a long time without food. Don’t … Continue reading Top 10 Things I’ve Learned In One Day
If you don’t know who these people are, I weep for you. Because if you go listen to it right now, so much soul might give you a goddamn stroke of funk. No one can be inflicted with that much awesome all at once and survive, baby. LOOK AT THIS SHIT: Now, let me preface with a little background, and then you’ll get a clue … Continue reading I Owe All My Success to Rick James and Teena Marie
Today’s #reverbbroads prompt is: Share a recipe or meal that is a summertime favorite. via Amy Summertime favorite, wintertime favorite, for richer or poorer favorite – I would more than likely die a cold, sad death without bread. All kinds, any kind, all shapes and sizes. I LOVES BREAD. Because nothing says “summer” like your oven at 450°, I thought I would share my all-time favorite … Continue reading #Reverbbroads: Holy Jesus, Bread is Good With Everything
Yesterday’s #reverbbroads prompt was: With what fictional character (book, movie, TV, etc.) do you most identify? Why? via Kristen Well, nothing says classy FRONCH titles like Darlene Conner from Roseanne, y’all. Yeah, I was kind of a sarcastic asshole, much like the young Darlene. Blame my mom for making me do vocab flash cards from age 2, I mean – what the fuck did she expect? … Continue reading #Reverbbroads: Je Suis…Darlene
Yeah, White Russians cause one to make lists. Here’s what I learned while on my second one while watching Alien for the 40th time. 5. Anyone called a “science officer” is most likely out to fuck you over. 4. Calling a computer “Mother” is creepy x 10000. 3. When 2 females are on a refinery space plant together, one is dumb and must die. 2. … Continue reading Life Lessons: Alien Edition
I might not be McSweeney’s, but I can damn well talk about things that we all buy that are dumb, dumb, dumb. You know you have bought something, you get it home and either start reading the package or start using it and think “OMGWTFBBQ.” Clearly there are many industries in trouble, and cannot hire writers of even my mediocre caliber to write descriptions for … Continue reading Let’s Review Some Stupid Products
Stay in school, kids. TOP 10 THINGS THAT ARE SMARTER THAN I AM: 10. *Some* resealable bags 9. The Invisible UPS delivery guy 8. My new car stereo 7. Depending on the time, my Houdini wine bottle opener 6. The “Premium Toppers” section at Sweet Tomatoes 5. Genghis Grill’s new “pay at the table” system 4. Genghis Grill’s new “write your name on … Continue reading Outwitted: A Cautionary Tale
A conversation between my husband and I the other night: Him: Did you just take a shower? Didn’t you take a shower 2 hours ago? Me: Yes. But it’s easier than washing my face in the sink. A conversation regarding watching television: Daisy: Have you watched Community or some other network show I can’t remember the name of right now? Me: Nah. I don’t … Continue reading Let Me Entertain You
It’s 7:05 am. My husband has just told me that for some inexplicable reason, our garage door is open. Not wide open, but like, person-crawling-in-size open, 3 feet off the ground. I bolt out of my Hunger Games-reading stupor and say quietly, “what the fuck,” because this is exactly the way I need to be woken up on a Monday. Unfortunately, said husband is … Continue reading Happy Anniversary, Nameless Faceless Killer!
Pocketful of Venom 
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